RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: Pundit after pundit was wheeled out to rubbish the election result – it’s as if you’d watched Man City win the Cup Final 6-0 only to be told the real winners were Watford
You stupid people. You got it wrong again. You were supposed to vote for candidates determined to stop Brexit, or at least stay at home and leave Britain’s future to the experts.
What the hell did you think you were doing voting for that dreadful fascist Farage person and his raggle-taggle gang of Trumpist racists, Russian stooges and rabid Little Englanders?
Sorry, but you needn’t think this changes anything. Just because a third of you supported the Brexit Party, it doesn’t mean you’re going to get Brexit.
Nigel Farage (pictured on Good Morning Britain yesterday) countered Remainer claims that the combined pro-EU vote had outstripped demands for Brexit
Actually, we’ve done the sums and worked out that most people want to Remain.
Stands to reason. Add up the Greens, the Lib Dems and the Scotch Nuts and, er, the Tories and Labour, and there’s a clear majority for staying in the EU.
Yeah, OK, so Labour and the Tories like to pretend they intend to honour the result of the 2016 referendum. But, be honest, they don’t really mean it. Get real, they’ve spent the past three years trying to stop it ever happening.
Tell you what. Why don’t we have another referendum? Let’s call it ‘confirmatory’ or a ‘People’s Vote’. That sounds cosy.
Maybe we can have a General Election, then Brexit can get lost in the flood of drivel about austerity or climate change, or the NHS, or something.
You can keep on voting until you get it right. Or you get so bored that you forget all about Brexit. Then we can go back to fiddling our expenses and no one will be any the wiser.
Anyway, in the meantime we can stretch out the Tory leadership election for three or four months, while we work out how to stop Boris.
Is there much more of this?
Forgive me, but this is what most of the post EU-election commentary amounted to yesterday. Just because you’re paranoid, and all that.
Some Remainers have argued that the results show a combined pro-EU vote running ahead of the pro-Brexit vote
Mr Farage gave his own interpretation of the results as he tackled the claims that were being circulated by Remainers on social media today
It was almost as if Thursday’s vote had never happened. You wouldn’t have thought that Farage’s Brexit Party had gone from 0-32 per cent in six weeks from a standing start.
If this had been Top Gear, Jeremy Clarkson would have hailed him as the best ever Star In A Reasonably Priced Car.
Instead, pundit after pundit was wheeled onto the BBC and Sky to rubbish the result.
It’s as if you’d just watched Manchester City win the Cup Final 6-0, only to have Gary Lineker and Alan Shearer insist that although City managed to put the ball into the back of the net half a dozen times, the real winners were Watford.
Haughty snob Emily Wossname, Islington’s own Lady Muck, managed to claim preposterously that the outcome of the election justified holding a second referendum, to give all those misguided, knuckle-dragging scumbags ‘Oop North’ the opportunity to change their minds. What makes her think that’s going to happen any time soon?
In case she missed it, pro-Remain parties were monstered everywhere outside London and Scotland. Brexit topped the poll in Wales, once the most rock-solid Labour region of the kingdom.
Lovely, tidy, smashing.
Tony Blair’s former spin doctor Alastair Campbell (pictured) was among those who claimed Thursday’s election was a victory for Remain
Labour’s pushmi-pullyu approach to Brexit even saw the corpse of the Lib Dems spring back to life in Corbyn’s own backyard.
If it was a disastrous night for the Tories, it was just as bad for Labour. Worse, in many ways, since Labour is not in government.
So why was serial liar Alastair Campbell, the only man I know with a certificate to say he’s sane, given unlimited airtime to rewrite the result?
Campbell, who brought you the criminally-deceptive Iraq war dodgy dossier, had free rein on the BBC to allege that the result of Thursday’s election was an unbridled triumph for Remain.
He reached this staggeringly dishonest conclusion after adding up every vote not garnered by the Brexit Party and sticking it in the Remain column.
Labour’s Emily Thornberry (pictured) used the results to demand a second referendum
OK, Ally, old son, let’s play that game for a minute. At the General Election in 2005, your glove-puppet Tony Blair got just 35.2 per cent of the popular vote.
Yet that was enough to give him a 66-seat majority over all the other parties.
I don’t remember you conceding that because two-thirds of the country had voted for someone else, Blair should not be allowed to form a government.
What we really wanted was a Tory/Lib Dem/DUP/Ukip/Monster Raving Loony coalition.
Same story in Scotland. Wee Burney claimed yesterday that Jolly Jocko Land was a Remain country, even though just 38 per cent voted for the SNP on Thursday. What about the other 62 per cent, hen? Don’t they count?
More to the point, why should we analyse the result of the EU elections through the prism of what it means to the traditional parties — including the SNP?
OK, so the Lib Dems were restored to their tried-and-tested role of respectable receptacle for protest. But why are we talking about what all this means to Labour and the Tories? Frankly, who cares?
They are both, in the words of the great Terry-Thomas, an absolute shower.
Instead of trying to resuscitate them, perhaps we should concentrate on what comes next.
If that means the Greens become the natural home of all those millennials obsessed with ‘climate change’, and by extension the official Opposition, or even the Government one day, so be it.
Good Morning Britain presenter Piers Morgan parodied the Remainer claims with a football analogy
Why should the Tories automatically expect natural small-c conservatives to return obediently to the fold, once they cleanse themselves of the decaying stench of the disastrous Mother Theresa interlude?
Politics, like nature, abhors a vacuum. So it was inevitable that the Tories would fill the void between Thursday’s vote and Sunday’s count with a depressing festival of navel-gazing and grandstanding.
Surveying the runners and riders to succeed May, my heart sank to subterranean depths. Do they really believe the public is gagging for three months or more of Conservative showboating?
How many learned pieces about the various candidates will we have to endure between now and October, or whenever?
There was a story the other day revealing ‘exclusively’ that someone called Ellwood wouldn’t be standing.
Who? I thought Ellwood was one of the Blues Brothers. Why tell us he’s not standing? Still, everybody needs somebody to love.
From what I can gather — and I’m not that interested, to be honest — there’s about a dozen of them throwing their rings into the hat, including one of the Diddy Men and some public schoolboy called Rory, whose only purpose is to shaft Boris.
Mr Farage held a photo call with the rest of the new Brexit Party MEPs in central London yesterday afternoon – including former Tory minister Ann Widdecombe (right)
For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t vote for anyone who stayed in the Cabinet and supported May’s dismal, defeatist ‘deal’, former Brexiteer Gove included.
Can’t we just cut to the chase and put them all on a ballot paper and then let the Tory faithful pick the bones out of it? Be honest, how long does it take to run a leadership election?
Saturday night TV talent shows manage to make votes happen in an instant, using the red button. Why not the Conservative Party?
Meanwhile, out here in the real world, there’s something remarkable going on.
In the space of a few weeks, the Brexit Party has gone from nowhere to a third of the vote.
On Thursday, they fielded an impressive, eclectic slate of candidates, from diverse backgrounds, and were rewarded with millions of votes — unlike the entitled, professional malcontents who make up No Change UK.
Can they kick on from here and become a proper, rounded party, as opposed to a single-issue pressure group? They’ve certainly got the talent and, er, momentum.
The upcoming Peterborough by-election might be the acid test.
We may be about to see a long-overdue realignment in British politics. As Bob Hoskins, aka Harold Shand, remarks in The Long Good Friday: there’s been an eruption.
Not before time. So well done everyone who backed the Brexit Party on Thursday.
Take a bow, Britain!