Quantcast

The truth behind the ‘Not Happy Jan’ advert – and how a twist of fate made it even more hilarious

REVEALED: The truth behind the iconic ‘Not Happy Jan’ advert - and how a twist of fate made it even more hilarious  An iconic Australian...
More

    Kristin Cavallari poses topless in thong bikini bottoms

    Kristin Cavallari poses topless in thong bikini bottoms... after admitting she thought about divorce 'every day' for two years before split By Heidi Parker For...

    ‘War of the Roses’ brawler Brandon Locke-Walker banned from drinking alcohol after Rosehill brawl

    'War of the Roses' brawler seen fighting with up to 30 people at Rosehill Racecourse is banned from drinking for a YEAR but avoids...

    Catharine Phanavong, Expert Cook and Dinner Party Enthusiast, Dies at 39

    This obituary is part of a series about people who have died in the coronavirus pandemic. Read about others here. If Cathy Phanavong knew how...

    Harry Styles goes shirtless for a dip in the pool and chats with a mystery woman on the Amalfi Coast

    Harry Styles goes shirtless as he enjoys a dip in the pool and chats with a mystery woman while soaking up the sun on...

    ALEX MICHAEL recaps The Bachelor: Juliette’s shocking ‘scheme’ to ruin Roxi’s night

    Juliette’s shocking ‘scheme’ to ruin Roxi’s night turns out to be nothing more than a Burmeister moment… ALEX MICHAEL recaps The Bachelor

    What’s longer and more anticlimactic than a Dan Andrews press conference?

    Well, there’s a penis joke in there – but the answer is Wednesday’s The Bachelor, which picked up at the same cocktail party we didn’t give a crap about last week.

    It all came to a head when Juliette used an infamous showbiz scheme to ruin stage-five Roxi’s night… and f**k sake when does this rubbish end? The Horn fight is on!

    What’s longer and more anticlimactic than a Dan Andrews press conference? Well, there’s a penis joke in there – but the answer is Wednesday’s The Bachelor, which picked up at the same cocktail party we didn’t give a crap about last week

    The Burmeister Method 

    It all came to a head when Juliette (left) used an infamous showbiz scheme to ruin stage-five Roxi's night... and f**k sake when does this rubbish end? The Horn fight is on!

    It all came to a head when Juliette (left) used an infamous showbiz scheme to ruin stage-five Roxi’s night… and f**k sake when does this rubbish end? The Horn fight is on!

    I’m sure that intro hardly enticed you to read on, so welcome to the rest of you, who are in the mood to hear a grumpy punter complain about the only thing worse than having $200 on ‘Tszyu to win in Round 9’ last night: The Bachelor.

    Five nights ago (6 months in ‘pandemic time’), Roxi was stunned that the bloke dating 20 women at once didn’t have time to hear about the deep personal significance of her ‘Live, Love, Laugh’ back tattoo. 

    That’s like picking up Tiger Woods’ phone and being shocked to find pictures of his ‘9 iron’ being whacked around every hole in Southern California.

    The cocktail party was STILL raging on Wednesday night – and if Roxi was angry before, wait until she saw what Juliette had cooking up. 

    I'm sure that intro hardly enticed you to read on, so welcome to the rest of you, who are in the mood to hear a grumpy punter complain about the only thing worse than having $200 on 'Tszyu to win in Round 9' last night: The Bachelor

    I’m sure that intro hardly enticed you to read on, so welcome to the rest of you, who are in the mood to hear a grumpy punter complain about the only thing worse than having $200 on ‘Tszyu to win in Round 9’ last night: The Bachelor

    Five nights ago, Roxi was stunned that the bloke dating 20 women didn't have time to hear about her 'Live, Love, Laugh' back tattoo. That's like picking up Tiger Woods' phone and being shocked to find pictures of his '9 iron' being whacked around every hole in Southern California

    Five nights ago, Roxi was stunned that the bloke dating 20 women didn’t have time to hear about her ‘Live, Love, Laugh’ back tattoo. That’s like picking up Tiger Woods’ phone and being shocked to find pictures of his ‘9 iron’ being whacked around every hole in Southern California

    ‘I have schemes coming out of my eyeballs to ruin Roxi’s happy night!’ she proudly told producers.

    Turned out her master plan to grab Locky’s attention was nothing more than a Burmeister Moment (ask Beau Ryan, he’ll tell you).

    'I have schemes coming out of my eyeballs to ruin Roxi's night': The cocktail party was STILL raging on Wednesday night - and if Roxi was angry before, wait until she saw what Juliette had cooking up

    ‘I have schemes coming out of my eyeballs to ruin Roxi’s night’: The cocktail party was STILL raging on Wednesday night – and if Roxi was angry before, wait until she saw what Juliette had cooking up

    Juliette’s cronies, Areeba and Kristina loved this and started joking about how Roxi was ‘the world’s easiest target’.

    Close, ladies. The world’s easiest Target is Penny Plaza Westfield’s  – you could walk right out of there with a 70″ flat-screen and the staff won’t bat an eyelid.

    Turned out her master plan to grab Locky's attention was nothing more than a Burmeister Moment (ask Beau Ryan, he'll tell you)

    For the unacquainted, Juliette grabbed Locky's attention by 'accidentally' falling out of her dress - the move Burmeister made famous at the Chasing Comets premiere in 2018

    Turned out her master plan to grab Locky’s attention was nothing more than a Burmeister Moment. For the unacquainted, Juliette grabbed Locky’s attention by ‘accidentally’ falling out of her dress – the move Burmeister made famous at the Chasing Comets premiere in 2018

    Taking A Swipe 

    The plan to ruin Roxi's night backfired when she started blubbering louder than a Biggest Loser contestant on weigh-in day

    The plan to ruin Roxi’s night backfired when she started blubbering louder than a Biggest Loser contestant on weigh-in day

    The cronies’ plan to ruin Roxi’s night backfired when she started blubbering louder than a Biggest Loser contestant on weigh-in day.

    It even roused the attention of Locky – who, after years of snapping hearts in two with his big buff hands had become desensitised to the sound of women crying.

    He was right in the middle of a chat with Areeba when he heard the waterworks and went to investigate.

    It even roused the attention of Locky - who, after years of snapping hearts in two with his big buff hands had become desensitised to the sound of women crying. He bailed on Areeba to go check on her

    It even roused the attention of Locky – who, after years of snapping hearts in two with his big buff hands had become desensitised to the sound of women crying. He bailed on Areeba to go check on her

    Locky: ‘Roxi, what’s wrong?’

    Roxi: ‘I know I’ve already got a rose but I’m craving your attention and insanely jealous. I thought after our incredible date that you’d… (angry pause). LOCKY!?

    Locky: 'Roxi, what's wrong?' Roxi: 'I know I've already got a rose but I'm craving your attention and insanely jealous. I thought after our incredible date that you'd... (angry pause). LOCKY!?

    Locky: ‘Roxi, what’s wrong?’ Roxi: ‘I know I’ve already got a rose but I’m craving your attention and insanely jealous. I thought after our incredible date that you’d… (angry pause). LOCKY!? 

    Locky got distracted somewhere around the time Roxi opened her mouth to speak and was caught in the midst of a Tinder swipe-a-thon.

    Roxi: ‘Were you even listening to a word I…’ 

    Locky: ‘Yeah sounds really good! Glad ya havin’ a good time… (looking back at phone) 86kms away? You’ll be paying for the Uber, love!’

    Locky got distracted immediately and was caught in the midst of a Tinder swipe-fest.  Locky: 'Yeah sounds really good! Glad ya havin' a good time... (looking back at phone) 86kms away? You'll be paying for the Uber, love!'

    Locky got distracted immediately and was caught in the midst of a Tinder swipe-fest.  Locky: ‘Yeah sounds really good! Glad ya havin’ a good time… (looking back at phone) 86kms away? You’ll be paying for the Uber, love!’

    Every Rose (Ceremony Sucks)

    I skipped to the end of the insufferable, drawn-out rose ceremony. Clare got booted and so did Zoe-Clare (who's just like Clare except her parents couldn't pick a lane) Clare is not pictured because nobody knows who she is

    I skipped to the end of the insufferable, drawn-out rose ceremony. Clare got booted and so did Zoe-Clare (who’s just like Clare except her parents couldn’t pick a lane) Clare is not pictured because nobody knows who she is

    I skipped to the end of the insufferable, drawn-out rose ceremony. Clare got booted and so did Zoe-Clare (who’s just like Clare except her parents couldn’t pick a lane)

    Shame, Zoe-Clare getting dead-horsed on Fruity Lexia on night one was the lone highlight of a dull season.

    Shame, Zoe-Clare getting dead-horsed on Fruity Lexia on night one was the lone highlight of a dull season

    Shame, Zoe-Clare getting dead-horsed on Fruity Lexia on night one was the lone highlight of a dull season

    Falling On Your Sword VS Fighting ‘Til The end

    Locky took boring nurse Irena fencing on a solo date. They do the same date every season so Ten already had the equipment and the double entendres ready

    Locky took boring nurse Irena fencing on a solo date. They do the same date every season so Ten already had the equipment and the double entendres ready

    Locky took boring nurse Irena fencing on a solo date. They do the same date every season so Ten already had the equipment and the double entendres ready.

    ‘I hope Locky likes a bit of sword play!’ Irena told the producers.

    ‘I hope Irena likes getting poked around by my massive weapon,’ said Locky.

    'I hope Locky likes a bit of sword play!' Irena told the producers. 'I hope Irena likes getting poked around by my massive weapon,' said Locky

    ‘I hope Locky likes a bit of sword play!’ Irena told the producers. ‘I hope Irena likes getting poked around by my massive weapon,’ said Locky

    ‘By that I mean I want to have intense sexual intercourse with Irena,’ he clarified.

    ‘The weapon is my penis.’

    Thanks mate, we got it.

    'By that I mean I want to have intense sexual intercourse with Irena,' he clarified. 'The weapon is my penis.' Thanks mate, we got it

    ‘By that I mean I want to have intense sexual intercourse with Irena,’ he clarified. ‘The weapon is my penis.’ Thanks mate, we got it

    At the end of the date, he took her to the same couch he takes all the other women, where he told her the same s**t he tells all the other women.

    ‘But this time, I mean it,’ he lied to producers.

    ‘I feel lightheaded and dizzy around him,’ Irena added. ‘I’m struggling to gain composure but I want this so badly and a fighter never quits!’  

    Yes they do, Irena. IN ROUND BLOODY 8!

    'I feel lightheaded and dizzy around him,' Irena added. 'I'm struggling to gain composure but I want this so badly and a fighter never quits!'

     ‘I feel lightheaded and dizzy around him,’ Irena added. ‘I’m struggling to gain composure but I want this so badly and a fighter never quits!’

    Yes they do, Irena. IN ROUND BLOODY 8!

    Yes they do, Irena. IN ROUND BLOODY 8!

    LEAVE A REPLY

    Please enter your comment!
    Please enter your name here

    Latest Posts

    Covid-19 Live Updates: Under 10 Percent in U.S. Have Antibodies, Study Finds

    Here’s what you need to know: Under 10 percent of Americans have coronavirus antibodies, a study finds. The pandemic could set working women back years, or...

    Family of woman, 49, who died after giving birth to IVF twins sues hospital

    Devastated partner of woman, 49, who bled to death after giving birth to IVF twins sues fertility specialist and hospital over a 'litany of...

    Kate Moss steps out make-up free with Count Nikolai von Bismarck before hugging Dior’s Kim Jones

    Kate Moss looks radiant as she steps out make-up free with beau Count Nikolai von Bismarck before hugging goodbye Dior creative director Kim Jones...

    British tourist, 29, who thought Covid was ‘b*****t’ posts video as he struggles to breathe

    British tourist, 29, who thought Covid was 'b*****t' posts video from hospital bed as he struggles to breathe after catching virus in Tenerife Chris Grailey,...