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    Made In Chelsea: Zara is left crying AGAIN as she struggles to cope with the split from Sam

    Made In Chelsea: Zara is left crying AGAIN as she struggles to cope with split from Sam… as Melissa accuses him and Tiff of ANOTHER clandestine encounter

    Last week saw Zara admit she cheated on Sam a year ago with someone who is supposedly a big deal in the music industry even though literally nobody has heard of him.

    She was left in tears. They were water-less tears that left her cheeks drier than the dunes of the Sahara Desert [or the Sa-Zara Desert if you will] but nonetheless she was upset.

    This week, she’s figured out that if you jam your fingernail into your eye while trying to cry on cue, you can indeed produce some light liquid in the ocular area. So it’s a tad more believable this week.

    Waterworks: Dumped Zara McDermott has figured out that if you jam your fingernail into your eye while trying to cry on cue, you can indeed produce some light liquid in the ocular area. So it’s a tad more believable than last week’s effort 

    To add to Zara’s woes, Melissa decides now is a good time to really trample her while she’s down and inform her of a random night about 700 days ago when Sam and Tiff both disappeared and Liv phoned the whole cast to ask where they were.

    Turns out they weren’t together at all, but why let the truth come in the way of another girl’s devastation.

    Over a strategically-placed plate of oysters, Paris tells Freddie of her intentions for Tristan.

    Bad timing: To add to Zara’s woes, Melissa decides now is a good time to really trample her while she's down and inform her of a random night about 700 days ago when Sam and Tiff both disappeared together

    Bad timing: To add to Zara’s woes, Melissa decides now is a good time to really trample her while she’s down and inform her of a random night about 700 days ago when Sam and Tiff both disappeared together 

    Twisting the knife: Turns out they weren't together at all, but why let the truth come in the way of another girl's devastation

    Twisting the knife: Turns out they weren't together at all, but why let the truth come in the way of another girl's devastation

    Twisting the knife: Turns out they weren’t together at all, but why let the truth come in the way of another girl’s devastation

    She seems to think that she and Tristan have sexual tension. If they do, it’s the kind of tension that could be cut with a blunt mincing knife because no-one else has noticed this alleged frisson between them. Tristan spent the first two episodes crying over Verity before spending the next two episodes affixing his lust onto Liv, after all.

    To be honest, it’s unlikely he could pick you out of a lineup at this point Paris, hun.

    Sophie’s already sick to death of Will. She doesn’t want him in her bubble, she says, despite the fact that surely not one person in London is actually paying attention to that rule anymore.

    Listing his qualities, she points out to Fred that Will has a motorcycle and is part-Scottish, but that’s about it.

    She decides it’s time to pack up her bag of emergency condoms and dump him.

    Back in the countryside, Paris and Tristan have a lackluster date, strolling around a walled garden talking about photography.

    Paris cuts to the chase. ‘Do you want to go out partying after all this, without a load of peering eyes?’ she asks.

    Firstly, surely there would be MORE peering eyes if they were to go out partying together? Unless its to one of those private karaoke rooms at Lucky Voice.

    Secondly, she wants this to happen ‘after all this’. Presumably by ‘all this’ she means the coronavirus crisis – something that seems to be getting worse with every school dinner not being provided to a hungry child.

    So by this logic she and Tristan can finally have their date in May 2022 at best…

    It doesn’t really matter because Tristan mugs Paris off. To which she actually reacts very grown-up and says she will ‘put some good affirmations out’ for the pair of them. How nice.

    Emily is very excited about her and Harvey moving in together when they get back to London. She’s planning her clothing storage, her dining table centerpieces, the lot.

    Harvey is less enthused, concerned that they will become recluses.

    On expressing this to Emily, she explains that she needs to know what they’re doing as she’s placed an order for a foot-of-the-bed ottoman and a selection of plastic fruits.

    ‘I need you to reassure me!’ Emily says. ‘I need YOU to reassure ME!’ Harvey says, which is a bit gas-lighty.

    He then suggests they should move in with each other if there are others involved too, presumably as some sort of Charles Manson-style commune.

    Jamie takes Habbs up to a roof and it looks like he’s about to propose. But alas he has merely fashioned her a jar of coloured notes that she can refer to when she is ‘sad’, ‘in need of love’, and ‘wants to celebrate’.

    This gesture is because he’s about to go on Strictly and presumably will have to move into a hotel suite with Karen Hauer for 8 weeks. 

    Habbs is then dragged to a discussion between Melissa and Tiff about all the backstabbing.

    Melissa is dressed like she’s off to an 80s theme roller-disco afterwards.

    Tiff asks Melissa why she was going around saying Tiff is creepy and that she makes her feel sick, which is a fair question really.

    Tristan tells Liv he’d quite like to be more than friends with her and she cries a bit. She blames this on hayfever.

    Whether that’s true or not, she still manages to produce more tears the Zara has this whole series, be they emotionally-charged or caused by a passing husk of bee pollen.

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